Communication, trust, loyalty, and consideration are great tools and all have their place in marriage, but if you really want to divorce proof your marriage, then you must check yourself! Yes, you heard me, check yourself first! Your marriage begins with you, your thoughts, your feelings, and your behavior! How you interpret what marriage should look like is how you will behave in your marriage. What causes most issues in a marriage is often times not a marriage issue, but a “you” issue.
1. Stop the blame!
Are you blaming your spouse for something that has nothing to do with them? For example, you were passed over for a promotion at work and your spouse insist on having a weekly date night. Due to not receiving the promotion, your spouse’s simple request appears to be a burden because you have tied finances to this request, when in fact there are plenty of free ideas for date night. Without even realizing it, you then begin to confuse a creative request with a financial request. It then is easier to become angry and resentful with your spouse because your spouse is a tangible object instead of the employment rejection, the real culprit of dissatisfaction. Be sure to assess if your spouse is the actual blame of the situation.
2. Flirt with Your Spouse
The gift of marriage is being able to spend a couple of forevers together, but if you are not keeping it exciting and spicy, those forevers can sizzle real quick! It is so easy to get in a cycle of everyday mundane with each other, so it’s important to recognize when you are in a rut so that you can disrupt the cycle. Your spouse needs to know that they are the apple of your eye and if you aren’t consistent in showing that, it provides a situation of vulnerability for your spouse. Leave cute notes for each other, send your spouse something that will excite their day, be more creative than just saying I love you! Flirting is little effort with a great reward. When your spouse is confident that they are desired by you, it alleviates insecurity, doubt, loneliness, and fear of losing you.
3. Be Careful of the Friend Zone
It’s great that your spouse is your best friend, but in most friendships, friends are not sexually intimate with each other. Spouses can be placed in friend zones as well! The more you see someone as a friend, the less sexually attractive you become of that person, hence the lack of sex with married couples. So many couples lose their sexual attraction with each other because they are comfortable with the friendship. You get into a groove, you know the daily expectation of managing work, the kids, and the house and at the end of the week is the first time that you guys think of each other as a couple when you have to come up with something for date night! Your coupledom comes first! Who you are as a couple matters! It is ok to create time everyday to honor what you need as a couple. It can be as simple as a passionate 30 second kiss or a 2 hour adult playdate, but whatever you choose be sure that it creates the tone of sexual intimacy. The friendship is a bonus to your marriage, however be careful not to create unintentionally a roommate marriage!
Marriage requires work and every marriage is different, but what is consistent for healthy relationships is how we honor our marriage! Always assess a situation before you place the blame on your spouse. Flirt like you just met regardless of how corny you feel, desirability in a marriage decreases the temptation for infidelity. Stop friend zoning your spouse! Make out often, keep it spicy and keep the lines of intimacy open.